she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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