Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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