omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You're like the curious george of whores
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
