Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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