i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
