There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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