I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
