yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
