How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
