Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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