So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
