I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Randomize
