Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
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He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
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Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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