yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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