is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
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I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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