I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
