i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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