I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
