okay pat passed out under dana's car
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
