Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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