hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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