Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
