I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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