i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
