so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
