its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
