please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
