He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
