im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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