And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
