I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
