I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
