pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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