Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
