and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
