i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
