The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
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Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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