When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
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Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
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My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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