apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
