i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
