Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
