you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
