I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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