I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wish I could teleport
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
