At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
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