i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
