I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
