I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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