do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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