I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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