I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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