i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
