i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
