I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
