I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
