trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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