do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
