In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
