I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
