the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize