Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am available for nakedness
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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