her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
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Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
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So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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