i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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