She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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