Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
