Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i already hear my dad disowning me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
