dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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