I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
