My hand turned me down
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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