shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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