I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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