Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
