Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
